User:Kribbel/Texts

Sign at western edge of 0_kalavan_castle

You see some kind of wooden sign onto which a parchment is nailed. With it's well executed writing and the wax seal it looks highly official. You read: I hereby command that the trees in the forest west of kalavan castle shall be cut down and uprooted. The soil shall be put to the plough and broken up so that this land may yield crops aplenty for the good of my humble people. Cozart, king of Kalavan

Dialogs for Flips

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Jokes an puns for Flips

1. After a joyful day at the Mine Town Week a man from Ados was on his way home walking through the cemetery in the Semos Mountain. Right in the middle of the cemetery he was startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy smokes, Mister," he said after catching his breath, "You scared me half to death… I thought you were a ghost! What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
2. After a great storm with severe gales many houses in Kirdneh were blown away. One penniless hero's house wasn't and he stated: "I knew it couldn't get blown away, because there is such a heavy mortage on it."
3. A young widow was about to marry an old rich widower. Her friends wished to know what she was about to marry him for. She feelingly replied, " Pure love! I love the ground on which he walks, and the very house in which he lives!"
4. Wife," said a married man, looking for his boot-jack, after she was in bed, "I have a place for all things, and you ought to know it by this time." "Yes," she replied, "I ought to know where you keep your late hours, but I don't."
5. An imperial veteran, whose nose had been lopped off by a scimitar-cut, happened to give a few pence to a beggar, who exclaimed in return, "God preserve your eyesight!" "Why so?" inquired the imperial veteran. "Because, Sir," was the reply, "if your sight should grow weak, you have nothing to hang your spectacles on."
6. On a very stormy day three friends met on the crossroads at Ados Rock. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. "It's windy," noticed the first. "No, it's Thursday," corrected him the second. "So am I," agreed the third. "Let's go and have a drink at Margaret's!"
7. When Hughie was very ill, his physician was observing in the morning that he seemed to cough with more difficulty, his mother Anastasia answered, "That is rather surprising, as he has been practising all night."
8. When a hero, staying in a hotel in Fado, was asked by his landlord how he had slept, he replied, "Union is strength — a fact of which your inmates seem to be unaware; for, had the fleas been unanimous last night, they might have pushed me out of the bed." "Fleas!" exclaimed the landlord, affecting great astonishment, "I was not aware that I had a single one in the house." I don't believe you have," retorted the hero, " they are all married, and have uncommonly large families."
9. "Why is it," asked a Blordrough soldier of a hero, "that you heroes always fight for money, while we Blordrough fight only for honour?" "I suppose," answered the hero, "that each fight for what they most lack."
10. "Tom, who did you say our friend Ben married?"— "Well, he married forty million coins — I forget her other name."
11. A kalavan peasant seeing a pigeon that was shot fall from a considerable height, picked it up, and running with it to the imperial archer leader who had killed it, cried out, "Ah, your honour, you need not have shot — the fall would have killed it."
12. "Father," said a little boy the other day, "are not soldiers of Ados very small men?" "No, my dear," replied the father, "pray what leads you to suppose they are so small?" "Because," replied the child, "I read the other day of a soldier of Ados going to sleep in his watch."
13. "Well, my good fellow," said a victorious Blordrough general to a brave Blordrough soldier, after a battle, " and what did you do to help us to gain the victory? "Do!" replied that one, "may it please your honour, I walked up boldly to one of the enemy, and cut off his foot." "Cut off his foot! and why did you not cut off his head?" asked the General. "Ah, that was off already."
14. A merchant in Deniran suddenly entered his counting house, and found one of his clerks rearing a large book in the air, with the end resting on his chin, "Why ain't you at work?" he inquired. "I am, Sir," replied the clerk "You are!— at what work?" "Balancing the ledger, Sir!"
15. Groongo Rahnnt, dining at a fashionable hotel in fado a few days since, was requested by a gentleman to pass some article of food that was near him. "Do you mistake me for a waiter?" said the grumpy one." "No, Sir," was the reply "I mistook you for a gentlemen."
16. Why are women like facts? – Because they are stubborn things.
17. Why does a blacksmith seem the most dissatisfied of all mechanics ? — Because he is continually striking for wages.
18. Coals are not like the objects of your affections; the dearer they are to you, the colder you become.
19. Why is smoke like a novel? – Because it goes out in volumes.
20. Why is a thief called a "jail-bird?" – Because he has been a "robbin."
21. Why are most men like gooseberries? – Because any woman can make a fool of them.
22. The difference between an old woman and a young one is said to be, that one is happy and careless, and the other is crappy and hairless.
23. Why ought meat to be only half-cooked? – Because what's done cannot be helped.
24. Why is a filter like the fortune of a spendthrift? – Because it is soon run through, and leaves a great many matters behind to settle.
25. When are soldiers like good flannels? – When they won't shrink.