User:Kribbel/Texts: Difference between revisions

# There are three fundamental truths: 1. Men are always right. 2. Women belong into the kitchen. 3. The Earth is flat.

# Jens comes home and yells "Moooom!" Jens' mother is upstairs "Don't yell. Come upstairs if you want something." "Jens stamps up the stairs into the first store of the house. Jens' mother "Yes, Jens, what is it?" "Mom, look, I stepped into dog shit."

# The rules of Deathmatch in Ados City changed through the years. In the old days in the Ados Deathmatch Arena heroes had not to fight against mighty creatures but three heroes had to fight against each other, bringing any weapon of their choice and the only rule was that the first person to draw blood would win. One Day the first hero walked in with a badass chaos axe, the second hero walked in with a huge demon fire sword, and the third showed up with a red wax crayon. – After that day Thanatos and Thonatus decided to change the rules.

# Fighting his way to the Orril Lich Palace a hero happen upon a warrior skeleton. They are fighting to the death. The hero falls down, and the warrior skeleton stands proudly before his fallen foe, with his majestic sword in hand. The hero grins and yells: "You won't finish me. You don't have the guts to do it."

# Haunchy Meatoch: "How do you like your steak, Mr Farmer?" Martin Farmer: "Like winning an argument with my wife Alice." Haunchy Meatoch: "Ok, rare it is!"

# Did you hear of the amazoness archer, who shot an arrow into the sky? She missed it!

# Why did nobody want to play cards with Captain Brownbeard? Because he was standing on the deck.

# An infantry brigade of blordrough fighters makes its way through the Deniran Caves when they hear a voice call from behind a bend: "One Faiumoni hero is better than ten Blordroughs". The blordrough general quickly orders ten of his best men around the bend where a battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Faiumoni hero is better than one hundred Blordroughs." Furious, the blordrough general sends his next best one hundred fighters around the bend and instantly a huge fight commences. After ten minutes of battle, again silence. The calm voice calls out again: "One Faiumoni hero is better than one thousand Blordroughs. The enraged blordrough general musters one thousand fighters and sends them into the tunnel around the bend. A terrible battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually one badly wounded blordrough storm trooper crawls back around the corner and with his dying words tells his general, "Don't send any more men. It's a trap. There's two of them."

# Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body turned to charcoal by a red dragon? He's alright now.

# Do you know the Blacksheep Brothers? Their sausage puns are the wurst.

# Yesterday fishmonger came over and we had a beer together – or two or… doesn't matter. We talked about everything under the sun. And then fishmonger asked me if I knew the difference between science, religion and politics. "Sure I do," I said. "Listen up! If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that is science. If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that isn't there, that is religion. If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that isn't there and one shouts 'I got it!' that is politics."

# The mother is in the kitchen preparing the meal when she hears loud screaming coming out of the bathroom. She runs there and sees her husband pulling the baby through the water by holding it at its ears. She "What's all this?" He "You want me to scald my hands?"

# The hero kribbel runs to the peer at Ados Coast, throws his bag on the three meter away ferry and jumps after it, with his last power he pulls himself over the rail and pants relieved "Done!" Sailor Jackie to him "Not bad, really not bad, but why didn't you wait until we dock?"

# "Honey, I'm feeling so fat and wrinkled today. I'm desperately in need of a compliment from you." "You have a great talent for observation."

# How do you silence a group of women? Just say "From now on you speak one after the other and the eldest begins."

# If someone says to you "Time heals all wounds" hit him in the face and say "Everything will be alright!"

# What does a master assassin use to make his armor? Hide

# Why is the gnomes' body armor so cheap? They only need it for their back.

# What happened to the cannibal warrior who showed up late for barbecue? He got the cold shoulder.

# What's the difference between Santa and a hero? One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!