User:Kribbel/Texts: Difference between revisions
Content deleted Content added
imported>Kribbel mNo edit summary |
imported>Kribbel m corrections |
||
| (8 intermediate revisions by the same user not shown) | |||
Line 35:
I intend to use these jokes for Flips. (Some would benefit of the implementation of npcs or players still.)
# After a joyful day at the Mine Town
# After a great storm with severe gales, many houses in Kirdneh were blown away. The house of the penniless hero yoriy wasn't and he stated
# It is said
#
# An imperial veteran, whose nose had been lopped off by a scimitar-cut, happened to give a few pence to a beggar, who exclaimed in return,
# On a very stormy day, three friendly heroes met
# When Hughie was very ill, his physician was observing in the morning that he seemed to cough with more difficulty, his mother Anastasia answered,
# When a hero, staying in the Fado City Hotel, was asked by Linda the hotel receptionist how he had slept, he replied,
#
# One day a wandering flower woman was going door to door in Ados, and so knocked on Felina's door who was not happy to see her. Felina told her in no uncertain terms that she did not want to buy anything and slammed the door in her face. To Felina's surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result – the door bounced back open. Convinced that rude woman was sticking her foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach her a lesson, when the woman said,
# A kalavan peasant seeing a pigeon that was shot fall from a considerable height, picked it up, and running with it to the imperial archer leader who had killed it, cried out,
#
#
# A merchant in Deniran suddenly entered his counting house, and found one of his clerks rearing a large book in the air, with the end resting on his chin, "Why ain't you at work?" he inquired. "I am, Sir," replied the clerk. "You are!— at what work?" "Balancing the ledger, Sir!"
# Groongo Rahnnt, dining at a fashionable hotel in fado a few days
# At an Imperial Army base, the monthly trip to the archery range had been cancelled for the second month in a row, but the fortnightly physical fitness test was still on as planned. One imperial archer mused,
# How do men exercise on the beach of Athor? By sucking in their stomach,
# John and his wife Jane are quarrelling with each other. She
# A chaos green dragonrider rides into Semos. He meets Xoderos outside of his smithy and says,
# Our hero kribbel visits Lovena, the psychic in Deniran, and she says,
# A man comes into Coralia's bar in Ados and shouts,
# Many years ago, the Semos Tavern was built by Margaret's father. Once a mighty hero, he had lost a leg to a dragon and decided to end his career as a hero and run a tavern in Semos City instead to give the other heroes a place to rest and strengthen themselves. Although he had only one leg left, the newly become tavern manager was still the strongest man far and wide. He was so strong, that there was nobody to be found to hold a candle to him. Therefore he hang up a sign in his tavern, which promised
# Old Santa sits at the bar in Ados Bar, filled up with spiced wine, and stares at the barmaid Siandra for eternity. After a while, he starts to lament,
# What has happened when you see Kormic sitting on the roof of the Kobold's Den bar? Barmaid Wrviliza announced, "The next round is on the house!"
#
# A gnome walks into the Kobold's Den bar and Wrviliza, the barmaid, starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding away the bottles of koboldish torcibud, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. Wrviliza hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home in Gnome Village. He turns to Wrviliza and says,
# Recently somewhere between Nalwor Forest and Ados Rock two mice tracked down an elephant. Whispers one mouse,
# While our hero dustofdust was running around Nalwor Forest naked as usual two elephants, who had never seen a naked man before, saw him. Asked one elephant the other one,
# Says Annie Jones to her mother,
# Elisabeth finds an old playpen in the attic. Exited she runs to her mother Carey.
# Elisabeth says to Jef,
# Mrs. Jones takes her daughter Annie to bed. After a while the father opens the door carefully and asks quietly,
# At lunch, Anna says to her mother,
# Farmer Karl was at the Semos Tavern complaining that he couldn’t tell his two horses apart from each other. Harold the trader who overheard him suggested that he measure both horses to see which one was taller. This wouldn’t help him at all, farmer Karl said, because the brown horse was the same size as the white one.
# How did the farmer Karl know the goat was stealing eggs? – The piglets squealed on it.
Line 73:
# What do you call a big snarling polar bear that’s heading your way? – You don’t call it anything, you just run!
# Did you ever meet the cannibals from Athor? They really have strange habits and rituals. Do you know what's the first ritual of a cannibal wedding? – Toast the bride and groom
# After a long hard day of mining in the Semos Mine, Barbarus falls flat on his bed around midnight. That’s when he hears a ghostly wail
# <s>There are
# What does the clever kalavan housewife do, if her husband falls down the stairs by fetching some potatoes out of the cellar? – She makes pasta.
# Jens comes home and yells, “Moooom!” Jens' mother answers from upstairs, “Don't yell. Come upstairs if you want something.” Jens stamps up the stairs to the first floor of the house. Jens' mother, “Yes, Jens, what's up?” “Mom, look, I stepped into dog shit.”
# The rules of Deathmatch in Ados City changed through the years. In the old days in the Ados Deathmatch Arena heroes had not to fight against mighty creatures, but three heroes had to fight against each other, bringing any weapon of their choice and the only rule was that the first person to draw blood would win. One day the first hero walked in with a badass chaos axe, the second hero walked in with a huge demon fire sword, and the third showed up with a red wax crayon. – After that day, Thanatos and Thonatus decided to change the rules.
# Fighting his way to the Orril Lich Palace, a hero happens upon a demon skeleton. They are fighting to the death. The hero falls down, and the demon skeleton stands proudly before his fallen foe, with his majestic demon sword in hand. The hero grins and yells, “You won't finish me. You don't have the guts to do it.”
# Haunchy Meatoch, “How do you like your steak, Mr Farmer?” Martin Farmer, “Like winning an argument with my wife Alice.” Haunchy Meatoch, “Ok, rare it is!”
# Did you hear of the amazoness archer, who shot an arrow into the sky? She missed it!
# Why did nobody want to play cards with Captain Brownbeard? Because he was standing on the deck.
# An infantry brigade of blordrough fighters makes its way through the Deniran Caves when they hear a voice call from behind a bend, “One Faiumoni hero is better than ten Blordroughs.” The blordrough general quickly orders ten of his best men around the bend, where a battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out, “One Faiumoni hero is better than one hundred Blordroughs.” Furious, the blordrough general sends his next best one hundred fighters around the bend, and instantly a huge fight commences. After ten minutes of battle, silence again. The calm voice calls out again, “One Faiumoni hero is better than one thousand Blordroughs.” The enraged blordrough general musters one thousand fighters and sends them into the tunnel around the bend. A terrible battle is fought. Then silence. Eventually, one badly wounded blordrough storm trooper crawls back around the corner, and with his dying words, he tells his general, “Don't send any more men. It's a trap. There are two of them.”
# Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body turned to charcoal by a red dragon? He's alright now.
# Do you know the Blacksheep Brothers? Their sausage puns are the wurst.
# Yesterday fishmonger came over, and we had a beer together – or two or… doesn't matter. We talked about everything under the sun. And then fishmonger asked me if I knew the difference between science, religion, and politics. “Sure I do,” I said. “Listen up! If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that is science. If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that isn't there, that is religion. If two men in an enormous pitch-black hall without any light search for a black cat, that isn't there, and one shouts, ‘I got it!’ that is politics.”
=== grade two jokes ===
Line 106 ⟶ 116:
# Which horse can jump higher than a house? – All of them because houses can’t jump at all.
# Why did the horse miss the jousting event? – It had the knight off.
# The mother is in the kitchen preparing the meal when she hears loud screaming coming out of the bathroom. She runs there and sees her husband pulling the baby through the water by holding it at
# The hero kribbel runs to the peer at Ados Coast, throws his bag on the three meter away ferry and jumps after it, with his last power he pulls himself over the rail and pants relieved "Done!" Sailor Jackie to him "Not bad, really not bad, but why didn't you wait until we dock?"
# "Honey, I'm feeling so fat and wrinkled today. I'm desperately in need of a compliment from you." "You have a great talent for observation."
# How do you silence a group of women? Just say "From now on you speak one after the other and the eldest begins."
# If someone says to you "Time heals all wounds" hit him in the face and say "Everything will be alright!"
# What does a master assassin use to make his armor? Hide
# Why is the gnomes' body armor so cheap? They only need it for their back.
# What happened to the cannibal warrior who showed up late for barbecue? He got the cold shoulder.
# What's the difference between Santa and a hero? One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!
| |||